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Try to bring the conversation into zoom instead of over text. This makes it easier to get an understanding for each other.
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Approach the discussion with an open mind and understand why they disagree.
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Repeat back to them their point to make sure you’re on the same page.
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Weigh the pros and cons, and evaluate what makes sense as a step forward.
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Consider other potential options that take both sides into account
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If a stalemate occurs, call it out and bring in a 3rd party like the rest of the team. At this point, I would try to collaborate with the person on a pros & cons doc that describes both options to bring to the team.
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Face-to-face > Text: If the disagreement is hard to describe or explain over text, or it seems someone is coming on strong with a hot take, try to bring the conversation to Zoom instead of text. This makes it easier to get an understanding for each other.
- Say: “That’s a good point (or ‘That’s super interesting’). Since there’s a lot to consider, let’s discuss this more in-depth over Zoom and I can summarize the discussion in the doc for us for afterward.”
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Open mind: Approach the discussion with an open mind and understand why they disagree.
- **Ask: “**So I saw your comment in the doc, but now that we’re on Zoom, would you be willing to explain your suggestion one more time for me?”
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Repeat and understand: Repeat back to them their point to make sure you’re on the same page.
- Ask: “Just making sure I understand your suggestion—what you’re saying is with the approach you’re suggesting we would get X, Y, and Z benefit but have this tradeoff? And you’re thinking it would be worth it because X?”
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Weigh pros and cons together: Evaluate together what makes sense as a step forward.
- **Ask: “**I hear you on your suggestion. So I think it would be a decision between X benefit and Y tradeoff vs B benefit and C tradeoff. Does that line up with how you were thinking about it?”
- From there, you can use past experience, the company culture, existing technical decisions for consistency alignment, or future-looking goals to defend your option.
- Past experience: “In the past, I’ve tried both of these and found option 1 to work better for these reasons. I’ve tried option 2 but it didn’t end up working for these reasons. What has your experience been?”
- Existing technical decisions: “I totally get you on the benefits of option 2; however, since this other area of the code follows this pattern, I think we’d be better off by being consistent with that pattern.”
- Future-looking goals: “I get you that scalability is important, and I’d love to put that as a top priority. However, since our org goals are to ship to the customer by September, I think we’d need to go with this approach to meet the deadline.”
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Find options neither of you are seeing: Consider hidden, 3rd options together that act as a win-win for both sides.
- Ask: “Are there any options we aren’t considering that would get us the benefits of both options without the downsides of either one?”
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Bring in a 3rd party: If a stalemate occurs, call it out and bring in a 3rd party like the rest of the team. At this point, I would try to collaborate with the person on a pros & cons doc that describes both options to bring to the team.
- Say: “I get the sense we’ll be going back and forth for a while. Maybe we could bring in someone else to see if there’s something we’re missing or to break the tie.”